On lockdown and little ones

Birds' nest made by our daughter

Here are some insights we've gained after being in lockdown with our little kids (4 and 1.5) for the past few weeks:

- Little ones are hard work and need constant attention. Wait, where's that meme of Phoebe saying "This is brand new information!"?!

- Ours seem to benefit from having both of us around. They are calmer and play by themselves more. Even the toddler does this, which is something hard to imagine. They are probably used to fighting for our attention. I think that since they are reassured that we are around, it encourages them to settle down and not need us 24/7. These pockets of time are few and far between (maybe 30 minutes twice a day that they can be left to play by themselves) but we didn't even know our kids were capable of this before all this started.

- Boredom does inspire creativity. Our daughter has started making swings for her dolls and using twine to hang them from the plants, write on the outside steps with twigs dipped in water, forage for twigs and fallen petals and leaves to make "birds' nests", draw and doodle, form letters with twigs she picks up in the garden, and come up with her own games. Our son who is the ever inquisitive explorer always finds new things indoors and out to destroy take apart and study.

Cradle swing for the dolls

- Our kids eat so much better (touch wood, knock on wood, etc.). From fresh fruits to a variety of vegetables to chicken and egg along with whole grains in the form of breads, pastas, rice, oats, barley and more, they have great appetites and thankfully enjoy a variety of foods. Even our treats that we occasionally give them are mostly homemade and not too sugary.

- Our toddler who was not speaking much earlier has made a lot of progress with his words. We are very relieved since we had begun to worry about his speech. We will continue to work on it.

- Their sleep is falling into a different pattern. Both of them seem to sleep better if they go to bed late and wake up late. Maybe that is their natural sleep cycle? Or perhaps we need to work on getting them into better sleep habits.
Sleep training for toddler started yesterday and my husband is operating on lack of sleep. I've cut off feeding at night and my husband goes in to soothe him back to sleep while I hide in our room and stay put while listening to him cry for mama. I know he is doing his best but he gets cranky without enough sleep. Husband, that is. Toddler too, I suppose. Yikes. Oh STTN, please work so we can go back to our non-zombie-like days soon.

- Younger kids are both easier and harder. Harder because of the obvious reasons. Our son is extremely spirited and very, very active, and it is hard for us to ever sit down for a meal. We have to get up a hundred times and follow him around and keep him from getting into things. He gets his way by screaming if he's ever put into a situation he doesn't like. It is very difficult to handle our day to day, and we are often at the end of our rope. It takes all of our strength and inner resolve to be calm through the chaos, and get creative in engaging them and getting them to cooperate. We also constantly have to think ahead and anticipate potential meltdowns before everything we do, which we sometimes just need a mental break from.

- They are easier because we do not have any online schooling to be done. If they don't go to preschool or daycare they won't really miss out on a year of education. Our kids were both staying at home anyway even before this, and our lifestyle was partly "socially distant". They do miss cousins and friends but not to the extent that older kids would. We try to sneak in some learning with our daughter through daily life. For example, we count things while  on our walks or learn new words (Look at that rose! It's humungous, gigantic, enormous!), draw and write and talk about letters while we read her books, and so on. She takes an active part in cooking and baking to the point that she knows how to handle various fruits and vegetables, and even knows the recipes to many dishes. She  does a Zoom session with our nanny for about an hour a day where they read Kindle books, talk about things, play games, draw and sing together. It's nice for her to have that focused and dedicated time with another adult and we keep it flexible. She has virtual play dates with her cousin and they've both gotten quite creative in their play. Our son showed an interest in talking to our nanny since he misses her very much. He surprised us by sitting down and interacting with her for about 15 minutes today (without breaking anything; the only accident was toppling a cup of water which he very obligingly wiped up himself).

- They are also easier because they don't need much other than us. Mom and dad are around all day, and this is a child's paradise. Add in some outdoor space to play in, a walk a day and their toys and books, and they are quite content. They don't ask too many questions about the "bad bug" as my daughter refers to it and only occasionally express their frustration of not being able to go out and do things.

- Let's talk about anxiety. All of us have some level of fears and anxiety, and it manifests in different ways and to different extents. My goal is to prevent our anxiety from affecting our kids, and therefore doing what we need to do to keep it in control in the first place. So far, I think we're okay. Our daughter is aware of the "bad bug" and why we are at home. But her world hasn't changed enough for her to feel down by the current situation and we do our best to strike that balance of being honest with her in a child friendly way, and keeping her from getting anxious. But, this is far far easier with younger kids than with older ones who know more, are more aware, miss their friends, understand the concept of time (weeks and months more of this) and tend to worry more about the what-ifs. Our son is "hyper" but cannot talk about his feelings yet. He does show interest in talking to people over video call and we do this when we can. We try to spend one-on-one time with him so he can have an outlet to express himself.

- Both of us work, and don't have time for focused activities with our kids. We haven't been in the habit of doing crafts or "fun learning activities" or "science projects" that are posted in abundance online. Even if I read about them, I never get around to doing them. We aren't on social media very much, and whatever we do mostly arises from what strikes our imagination, and may not be very fun for our kids. But they seem to be happy enough. My husband does come up with books and toys to engage the kids and also builds things from around the house and garden for them, so there's never a dull moment. With me, it's a lot of role playing games, reading, singing, dancing and imaginative play and we laugh together often. I also take the kids on a walk every evening while my husband makes dinner, it's our time where they open up about their feelings and it's my husband's time to decompress while cooking and listening to music.

- We are enjoying a lot of hugs, kisses, cuddles and snuggles and it's just great.

- While all of these are really amazing in their own way, every day is also very exhausting. Sometimes we feel like it is just too much. Our days go on nonstop. We are well aware of the benefits of time to ourselves to recharge but also know that every time we do this, something else has to give. Even if we have to watch a TV show, this involves sitting down at 11 pm and giving up on some precious sleep since our nights are fragmented and 6 am is go time again. So this happens almost never. Reading books? Pursuing hobbies, or taking up a new one? These are foreign ideas in our world. Our days are an endless balancing act and a back and forth between my husband and me. I have to step away and breathe or just sit to get a pause from the craziness. I reframe my perspectives and regroup. For anyone who is reading this, I will take all tips on how to handle the screaming when toddler doesn't get his way. BUT with all of this, it doesn't take me very long or any effort to feel thankful again for what we have.

It's been a bonding experience for us all. My daughter did say "I wish the conversation about the bad bug was over", and yes we do. Our reason for being in lockdown has all of us worried and I am anxious about it even more as the situation gets more dire. Testing, treatments and prevention are still up in the air with many unknowns, all while talk about re-opening things is going on. But for now, I'll take some small strides we have made with the kids and hope that we gain some nuggets of wisdom from our time together.