Ch-ch-ch-ch Changes

Deer walking alongside us on our morning walk

It’s been a while since I wrote a blogpost, and part of the reason is that I am avoiding facing the fact that it is Fall. I’ve just been trying to extend summer in my mind, and the reason is not that I associate summer with vacation or hot days or anything like that. I have just had a rough go with autumn and winter for the past three years, from a health point of view for myself and my family. So this time around, I am attempting to change a few things…

1.     Worries about family’s health – there is not much I can do about it, but I will try to keep the anxiety at bay or at least remain functional through it, by practicing self-care and with counseling

2.     Keep my daughter at home for the fall and winter. That way, we can protect her from the ongoing ear infections to an extent, and not have to go on allergy medication or antibiotics or explore ear tube surgery to handle it. This may also keep us from falling ill often.

3.     Keep working on my job and career to get where I want to be. Based on the realization that my work anxiety underscores a lot of my health anxiety, dealing with it should help with my overall outlook

4.     Start Vitamin C supplements

5.     Go dairy free – starting as a test between October and December and then re-evaluate

6.     Exercise in some fashion – maybe walks and runs for a start, with occasional swimming if I can find a place to swim

7.     Keep working on baby’s sleep and trying to get more shut eye at night

8.     Yoga more often, and to begin with, buy a rug/mat

9.     Try to work from home when possible

10.  Do things to keep my spirits up – tbd

11.  Music – both listening and singing which help with the mind and body

It’s been a new beginning of sorts, these past couple of days…more like an ending if I look at things that way, but doesn’t an end signal a new beginning or some such wisdom like that? I realized that it is time for me to stop isolating myself and get back on the F social media bandwagon, in order to further my job prospects and connect with a local moms group. So that has been… awkward and unsettling. Then, I heard back from a job that I was pursuing, and I didn’t get it. So I suppose I feel a bit of rejection from that. And thirdly, while out on my “run” (I use the word loosely, since it was 25 minutes of mostly walking with a 7-minute break for meditation on a park bench thrown in), I dropped my phone on concrete and the screen shattered.

However, all of it is actually ok. The social media thing, my plan is to use it as I need it and not get caught up in it. The job – my goal was not just to get that job but to get to one that is right for me. I was already unsure if this particular opportunity fit the bill for me and about the timing of it, so it is actually fine that it worked out this way as long I continue to make progress on the job front. And the screen shattering was cathartic of sorts. I have been carrying around this phone from my pre-wedding and kids days, wondering if I should upgrade it or not. I ordered a new phone and am trying to think that it’s a new chapter that I am beginning to write.

I am surprised that I was able to dust myself off and start all of these things as quickly as I did. I usually spend a lot of time agonizing about decisions. I was able to quickly decide and get back on  Facebook (after seven years!), do a short assessment of the job situation and move past it with my next steps, and order a new phone in a matter of minutes without spending hours and days pondering over the choices. My husband helped, but isn't that how a relationship is supposed to be with each of us being a sounding board for the other? I am secretly glad that the endings in this case were decided for me, and the choice left to me was only to turn the page to a new one and not remain wallowing. As always, I am utterly intimidated, but the important thing is that I continue to try and do things along the way. And if I say so myself, I should be rather proud of that fact.

Changes - David Bowie

Still don't know what I was waitin' for
And my time was runnin' wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
How the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
There's gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Labor Day weekend

The Hagiwara Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park

This past weekend was a long weekend due to Labor Day. On Friday, we were able to get back together as a family after my husband returned from a business trip. We went for a swim in the evening, and all four of us got into the water. Our baby enjoyed splashing around and was thrilled to be in his father's arms. I was relieved to be able to release the pent-up energy from the week and swam a total of 30 laps! That was quite a record for me, and I am glad that I could achieve it at least once this summer.

On Saturday, we decided to catch up on all of our housework and went to the pool again in the evening. On Sunday, we spent the day at San Francisco. We had lunch at Dosa on Fillmore and enjoyed the brunch menu that they had to offer. Feeling full and with our taste buds satisfied, we walked a bit in the adjoining Japantown Center mall and took in all the sights and sounds in the mini-Japan there. We then drove up to Golden Gate park and visited the Japanese Tea Garden.

The Japanese Tea Garden is the oldest public Japanese garden in the US and has been a part of Golden Gate park since 1894. It was built by a Japanese immigrant and gardener called Makoto Hagiwara and is also called the Hagiwara garden, with the street being named after him. The garden has Buddhist and Shinto influences and contains about 3 acres of trees, rocks, ponds, pagodas, gates and a teahouse. It is designed to have a calming effect and slow people down, and that is exactly what we did when we were there.

When we visited on Sunday, the garden was quite crowded and that took away from the experience a little bit. But the environment soon took over and we enjoyed being around all the greenery it had to offer. The sound of flowing water, the bamboo trees, the beauty of the garden and the energy around it were very pleasant all around. My sister and I remembered our grandfather when we saw the lotus flowers in the pond. And of course, there were the Japanese lanterns around the zen garden as well. I feel like there are a few recurring themes in my posts and in my experiences. Some of it is pure coincidence (since this place was suggested by my sister) and some of it is because there are certain things we gravitate towards, being what we enjoy. We walked around the garden and then sat down together at the tea house and sipped on some tea and chatted for a while. I enjoyed this experience a lot, along with the few calm moments when I stepped away to feed my baby near a small fountain of water (pictured below).

Calming corner of the garden

After the Japanese tea garden, we drove home and were fortunate to have both the kids fall asleep in the car after a long day out. We were able to enjoy the drive and chat a bit on the way back home, stopping at the Indian store on the way to prepare for the next day.

Monday was Labor day and was also Ganesh Chaturthi. We had bought a small Ganesha for the puja and I washed and arranged all of my puja items together. My daughter and I picked a few flowers from our garden for the puja and then lit lamps while singing Ganesha songs. She was very excited to dress up for the puja. We then cooked lunch and decided to relax a bit in the afternoon. In the evening, we went on a bike ride on a nearby trail and stopped at  a park for the kids to play. Both of the kids went in the “Bee”, the bike trailer attached to my husband’s bike. I was getting back on my bicycle after over four years – the last time I had ridden it was pre-kids! But I was able to manage the short ride, and it was a great experience to go out together.

As we get back to a short work week today, I am reminded that we are now in September and that it is technically Fall. However, I would like to consider summer to go on until about the 20^th of this month, and then start Fall in my mind. While Fall used to be my favorite time of year, it now triggers my anxiety. I absolutely dislike winter the most, however. I will have to find a way to make it through the next few months, still preserving humility as a foundation, cautiously stepping forward while striving to be better, and continuing to look for ways to bring a positive energy home to the family.