Ch-ch-ch-ch Changes

Deer walking alongside us on our morning walk

It’s been a while since I wrote a blogpost, and part of the reason is that I am avoiding facing the fact that it is Fall. I’ve just been trying to extend summer in my mind, and the reason is not that I associate summer with vacation or hot days or anything like that. I have just had a rough go with autumn and winter for the past three years, from a health point of view for myself and my family. So this time around, I am attempting to change a few things…

1.     Worries about family’s health – there is not much I can do about it, but I will try to keep the anxiety at bay or at least remain functional through it, by practicing self-care and with counseling

2.     Keep my daughter at home for the fall and winter. That way, we can protect her from the ongoing ear infections to an extent, and not have to go on allergy medication or antibiotics or explore ear tube surgery to handle it. This may also keep us from falling ill often.

3.     Keep working on my job and career to get where I want to be. Based on the realization that my work anxiety underscores a lot of my health anxiety, dealing with it should help with my overall outlook

4.     Start Vitamin C supplements

5.     Go dairy free – starting as a test between October and December and then re-evaluate

6.     Exercise in some fashion – maybe walks and runs for a start, with occasional swimming if I can find a place to swim

7.     Keep working on baby’s sleep and trying to get more shut eye at night

8.     Yoga more often, and to begin with, buy a rug/mat

9.     Try to work from home when possible

10.  Do things to keep my spirits up – tbd

11.  Music – both listening and singing which help with the mind and body

It’s been a new beginning of sorts, these past couple of days…more like an ending if I look at things that way, but doesn’t an end signal a new beginning or some such wisdom like that? I realized that it is time for me to stop isolating myself and get back on the F social media bandwagon, in order to further my job prospects and connect with a local moms group. So that has been… awkward and unsettling. Then, I heard back from a job that I was pursuing, and I didn’t get it. So I suppose I feel a bit of rejection from that. And thirdly, while out on my “run” (I use the word loosely, since it was 25 minutes of mostly walking with a 7-minute break for meditation on a park bench thrown in), I dropped my phone on concrete and the screen shattered.

However, all of it is actually ok. The social media thing, my plan is to use it as I need it and not get caught up in it. The job – my goal was not just to get that job but to get to one that is right for me. I was already unsure if this particular opportunity fit the bill for me and about the timing of it, so it is actually fine that it worked out this way as long I continue to make progress on the job front. And the screen shattering was cathartic of sorts. I have been carrying around this phone from my pre-wedding and kids days, wondering if I should upgrade it or not. I ordered a new phone and am trying to think that it’s a new chapter that I am beginning to write.

I am surprised that I was able to dust myself off and start all of these things as quickly as I did. I usually spend a lot of time agonizing about decisions. I was able to quickly decide and get back on  Facebook (after seven years!), do a short assessment of the job situation and move past it with my next steps, and order a new phone in a matter of minutes without spending hours and days pondering over the choices. My husband helped, but isn't that how a relationship is supposed to be with each of us being a sounding board for the other? I am secretly glad that the endings in this case were decided for me, and the choice left to me was only to turn the page to a new one and not remain wallowing. As always, I am utterly intimidated, but the important thing is that I continue to try and do things along the way. And if I say so myself, I should be rather proud of that fact.

Changes - David Bowie

Still don't know what I was waitin' for
And my time was runnin' wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
How the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
There's gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time