This is from one of my daughter's book series called "Jake and the Never Land Pirates". They go "Yo ho! Let's go", or "Yay hey, no way!" which I got reminded of when I realized that it is May and I haven't yet posted this month.
Things have been moving along here. I've finished about three months at my new job and accomplished a LOT in this time. I am pretty well known in the team already and have visibility across teams and management. This is all very good but the frustration is there. I was hired at a junior level, but the responsibilities and expectations are even higher than that of the "senior" (more like mediocre) level folks.
Oh well. I need to not take it too seriously and to give what's expected of me, and do a sincere job. My problem is I get too carried away, take things to heart and get passionate about what I am working on. This doesn't align because someone with a big fancy title walks all over it and I don't get much of a say, so I think "why bother" and take a step back. At this point, I'm consciously trying not to give my best because it's not worth it. Then I realize that if my position is not fueling my passion in the job and is in fact suppressing that passion, to the detriment of the company even, then the whole structure is messed up. And I need to start looking at my job differently and not let it define me. It's a place where I can give what is expected of me and get the skills I'd need for my next job, which *hopefully* can fuel that passion AND be rewarding.
Oh the elusive job satisfaction.
Anyway, part of my worries is how to be assertive. Every time I do it at work, something arises on the health anxiety front with myself or family and that puts me in an anxious loop. Then I think that I'll just let this one go and be "doormatish" and "non confrontational" again since my health and anxieties take the top spot. I also start rationalizing -- will speaking up even change anything or am I just wasting my energy? Maybe this is the same story at any job, and "pushing back" and being more assertive are part of this competitive industry. And on goes the negativity from my job which can be quite draining. It's hard to remain grounded in all of that.
And somewhere along the way I realize -- oh wait! What's that? Positive thoughts? We need those? Health, immune system, kids picking up on our vibes, etc. Hmm wait, so we have to force ourselves to be happy cheerful selves since there is so much doom and gloom around and we need to "think positive" to beat these tough times .....
Yes I know that there is truth to that. But first, let's acknowledge in big words - All of this sucks.
And next, on to what we can and cannot change -
Job stuff - just gain the experience, cash the check and move on. It's not worth investing time into what this might be, it isn't gonna be more than it is today. They showed me who they are, now I need to see it.
Health stuff for family - keep the positive energy and prayers up and sit tight, regular calls and follow all guidelines and hope it will be okay. Acknowledge that it is a worrisome time for all. The next few days are extremely worrisome and each day is nerve wracking.
Health stuff - keep doing what we're doing. Stay home, stay distanced, etc. We're almost all the way vaccinated (so inching along there) and kids are doing well with all their activities at home.
Family stuff - lots of negative energy, negligence, mean-spiritedness and more happening and we are in constant worry about extended family. Firstly we are praying for the health of everyone involved and that is biggest and most prominent. Secondly, I am trying to think about my beloved grandfather and what he would have wanted in this situation since he is no more, and try to do what I think would be his will.
Okay that was a whole lot of rambling but it felt good to get off my chest.
Off to be productive again. This is what I'm gonna do
- Do those mockups
- Write a paper
- Make some beautiful slides
- Record a kickass demo
