No longer making time

Fall and things

The past few days have gone by in a rush. The holiday season is fast-approaching. We seem to be hurtling on towards the end of the year. There is just not enough time to do anything!

So….. we’re at the end of the month. It’s Halloween today, followed by All Saints day and I am also mourning a loss I’d had a couple of years back. It has definitely been heavy but in a very strange way, it is also helping me look ahead and towards more positive happenings.

I recently discovered Slowdive’s “No Longer Making Time” and don’t think I can ever go back! It is life changing, this music. It sums up how I feel - contemplative and racing against time but at a standstill at the same time, not quite understanding what it means and where it is all heading.

I have now completed a month of being dairy-free and I like it. It is so empowering to not feel the urge to pig out on desserts and feel crummy afterwards. Overall I feel lighter and nicer, more like my personality is slowly starting to emerge and poke through the fog. It is exciting in a way.

Here are the lyrics to the song, and they are rather dark and fitting for this Halloween day and my state of mind.

No Longer Making Time by Slowdive

Come anyway

Say you're clean, you like it that way

You got a new boy

He keeps it light, you like it that way

Who cares anyway

Oh lord I remember the days

And all those nights

When you wanted so much more

Cathy, don't wait too long

We're no longer making time

Forever we'll be

Together, we breathe

No longer for too run

Come anyway

Come on down in your

Blue eyed way

Comes and it goes

You come around and I don't know why

Just lovers and life

Common ground, Yeah there's no surprise

Just holding your arms

Holding on…

Crossing the Rubicon

Signpost about three-quarters of the way down to Emerald Bay

We did a small hike in Tahoe and when we started out, we were not really sure what this route was called. The signs during our hike stated that we were on the Rubicon Trail and this is what we will go with. The Rubicon trail, if you look it up, is a 22-mile long trail that covers a bit of the Gold Country, the El Dorado National Forest and the Tahoe National Forest.

We planned to hike just a two-mile stretch, which ended up becoming about 3.25 miles with a detour that we added. We began our hike at the Emerald Bay State Park parking lot. It is an achievement in and of itself to get a parking spot here. Our son was asleep in his car seat when we arrived, and we circled the lot a couple of times trying to decide "Should I stay or should I go". My husband suggested that my daughter and I get off and walk over to the viewpoint while he searched for parking. About 20 minutes later as we were returning, he was lucky enough to find a parking spot.

And we hike

We started our hike there and went down to the Vikingsholm, also known as Tahoe’s Hidden Castle. This was constructed in 1929 by a lady called Lora Josephine Knight to serve as her summer mansion. She had travelled to Scandinavia with her architect to get ideas for the building. The hike down to the Vikingsholm is about a mile long along an unpaved path, and is completely downhill. This is where you descend from the top of the overlook point of Emerald Bay, down to the water level. The route down is very picturesque with lots of little waterfalls and kept us entertained, not to mention the gorgeous views of Emerald Bay along the way.

Picturesque view

One of the many gushing waterfalls along the way

Our daughter marched on, quite the trooper, and our son was in the Ergo baby carrier with my husband. We have a hiking baby carrier that is more comfortable for back-carry, but did not bring it with us to Tahoe since it is rather bulky to carry and we did not have the space for it in our car. So the Ergo it was, and he was quite happy to be snug and close to his dad. When we reached Emerald Bay, we stopped for snacks (packed in the backpack I was carrying) and spent some time by the water. So beautiful.

The crystal clear waters of Lake Tahoe at Emerald Bay

The Vikingsholm mansion

How idyllic is this location?!

We did a quick tour of the Vikingsholm. It was not open for tours in this season, but we were able to walk around the building and courtyard inside. After we enjoyed Emerald Bay for a while, we decided to hike on up to Lower Eagle Falls instead of heading back. This was a bit of a risk since we did not know if our daughter would be able to do it. However, we thoroughly enjoyed the hike up to the waterfalls and the beautiful views in all directions. My daughter needed a few breaks for water and snacks, but we were amazed that she did it. Our return was a bit difficult since it was mostly uphill, and we had to motivate her to keep going. The elevation change from the parking lot (which stood at 6645 feet) down to the bay was 566 feet, with an additional 100 feet or so up and down to the falls. But all in all, the kids were great and we had a wonderful hiking experience.

Emerald Bay in its shimmering hues of green

Lower Eagle Falls

The hiking route

Elevation change down to the Bay, with the little peak in the middle for the hike to the waterfalls

The word Rubicon may ring a bell to some of you. There is a river by that name in Italy, and the more well-known reference to it is from Julius Caesar’s ‘crossing the Rubicon’ in 49 BC which led to the Roman civil war and Caesar’s subsequent rise to power.

Metaphorically, crossing the Rubicon refers to a point of no return. Isn’t that interesting! Maybe we’re on to something here: the trip we took to Tahoe heralds a new beginning for my husband’s career. I have also been working on re-inventing myself by changing course in my career and lifestyle. We hope that in our case, crossing the Rubicon was a move towards positive changes.

On the lyrical side, the only references to “crossing the Rubicon” I could find were in the metal category, and even something called ‘power metal’ and ‘death metal’. No, thank you. Oh wait, there is one reference to a Swedish new wave band called The Sounds. They have an album titled “Crossing the Rubicon” and a song with the same name on it. Over to YouTube to check it out, but first:

Crossing the Rubicon by The Sounds

There's a hole in the ground

Where a key can be found

To a place where they hide

All their secrets inside

There's a room with no sound

There's a force all around

There's no time and no space

No mistakes to erase

Crossing the Rubicon

Crossing the Rubicon

Crossing the Rubicon...

Health and happiness, writing and cars… and did I say Blancmange?

This week has had its share of ups and downs. It’s not been great, but we are still thankful for where we are because things are not too bad, and we are grateful for the abundance we have in our lives.

The downs have been health related and work related (what a surprise! /end sarcasm). One by one, our family has been falling like dominoes into the vortex of viral infections. Our dear family member was down with it and we were worrying about her health especially with the distance that separates us and the strong feelings that we have for each other. My husband caught an ear infection upon our return from Tahoe due to the change in altitude. My son was then down with a viral infection and I was soon to follow. My daughter has had a cough since a couple of weeks, and we are unsure about its origin. All of us are still grappling with our sore throats, coughs, runny noses, earaches, body pain and fevers. Sigh.

I have been doing daily affirmations to state that I am in good health. I affirm my ability to succeed at work at not be discouraged. I know that I am being the exactly the parent and person my family needs at this time. I think that is an important reminder to myself – Do not be discouraged! You can do it. Remember that you thrive in rough situations and have been able to come out of them.

This one isn’t something that is impossible to fix. It is tough and deserves to be given importance to be front and center in my mind. But it is not a lost cause or something that could break me. I have to remember all of that.

The dairy-free journey continues. I might have eaten dairy in my box lunch at work today. It was a chicken shawarma wrap that might have had yogurt in the sauce or have the meat marinated in yogurt, it is hard to say. My choice was between eating it and driving out to buy lunch which would have cost me my time, money and energy. I chose to eat it and put the meal aside as one of those exceptions I consciously allow myself.

In other news, our world is about to change next month with my husband starting a new job. I am sort of looking forward to it and terrified about it at the same time. I think he is too. I have to be a supportive spouse and partner and enable him (and us) to succeed. I think that the time is right. I hope the experience will be rewarding and positive. I want it to be the best move for him and for our family. He is one of my biggest role models in my career and I suppose I am invested in his success from that angle as well. I think (or rather, fervently hope) that Sheryl Crow was right: “A change would do you good”!

The rest of the year usually goes really fast. We’re already in mid-October, there are festivals like Diwali, Thanksgiving and Christmas round the corner. Add in new job, and we are likely going to be at the end of the year without noticing the time pass. I hope that my job situation and health is better by the time we are there and that something good comes my way.

Don’t tell me by Blancmange is playing in a loop in my head (and in my car) this week. When I parked my car at work today, I decided to play the song just one more time and sing it out loud. This is when my VP pulled up in his Porsche in front of me and witnessed my (silent to him) performance. Did I let that stop me? No, not quite. I took my time singing, not caring that he was able to see me, and then hopped out to say “Nice car!” to him. It was a cool car indeed. Just like the Maclaren that cut in front of me the other day. My appreciation of cars tends to win over other stuff these days. Oh well. Blah.

Don’t tell me by Blancmange

I'll stay with you until the end
I'll say you'll let me be your friend
I'll say you'll let me in the end
I just want to be your friend

How can I be sure you're breaking all the rules
How can I be sure I should be high above
I'll climb the mountain, reaching for the skies
And all too soon I jump the moon
and find I'm losing my mind

And don't tell me you're the howling wind
And don't tell me you're the moonlit star
And don't tell me you're the devil's friend
And don't tell me, no don't tell me
I've gone too far

I didn't hear you as you left my room last night
You turned your back on me
I didn't hear you as you left my room last night
Please return and set me free

I'll climb the mountain, reaching for the skies
And all too soon I jump the moon
and find the sun burns my eyes

And don't tell me you're the howling wind
And don't tell me you're the moonlit star
And don't tell me you're the devil's friend
And don't tell me, no don't tell me
I've gone too far

No no no...No no no...
I can't get a grip on...
I can't get a grip on...
I can't get a grip on... (you)
I can't get a grip on...
no no I can't get a grip on!

I'll say you'll let me in the end
I'll say you'll let me be your friend
I've maybe asked this once before
Don't you love me anymore