Marching on

It's been a busy time here at home. We're working, taking care of kids, mental health is shot with no rest. We realized how deep into it we were when after several difficult nights of toddler not sleeping well, we had one night that he slept until 6 and we woke up feeling like brand new people.

Anyway, it appears that our kids are going through some big feelings around life. They miss their nanny, seeing family and friends, their grandpa, and are worried about their other grandparents, as well as us. We had tinnitus flare ups that got us down and upset our kids. My husband and I are worriers by nature and over-thinkers about our life, work, etc. And I think this stress sort of rubs off on the kids.

Anyway, after years of beating ourselves up about our work style - I feel that screw it. It's unique, it's good to care, it's a positive quality to want to be as detailed as possible in our work, and to be cooperative rather than manipulative/aggressive. Unfortunately this sometimes doesn't serve us well in our competitive and cut throat careers, but that's a balance we will need to find. But maybe we can try and find it without changing who we fundamentally are? Wishful or naive thinking or realistic goal? There's still room to grow and things to learn about work personalities. 

It's a bit hard to wrap our minds around the Covid situation. Vaccinations are going on, and things are opening up. But the situation is still pretty bad the world over? Some people are just done and going on as if nothing happened. Others like us are so isolated, we feel like we live on a different planet compared to some others. And so much is up in the air still with all the variants going around and unknowns about vaccines, as well as how to get the pandemic under control.

My work is a mixed bag. I'm realizing I have been extremely fortunate to get this job and that it could be quite empowering if I am able to do it well. But I also get these frequent feelings of being undervalued, and I am not sure how much of it is valid to be frank. I've been battered and bruised, but on the other hand I can recognize the signs well? I want to trust my instincts more and second guess myself less and see how it serves me.

This month will bring a new nanny and my birthday... trying to look forward to things, but really we are just so tired. Maybe when our kid finally sleeps well, is when we can rest. Our ped suggested a sleep consultant and we can probably look into that. I am pretty sure that I can go back to journal entries as far as five years back and find "I hope our sleep issues improve" about the kids. It's been what now, five, six years? Oof! 

I've fallen off the shoegaze wagon, for some reason. After all the events of the past few months, I no longer have favorites that are stuck in my mind. Maybe that's why I also feel quite blah. But as I write this, and think about how much we've achieved and overcome, maybe that's something to feel thankful and satisfied about. With that, let's roll into the weekend.