We go up, we go down

Back to blogging. This is going to be another dear diary....and once I process these feelings I may get back to better posts!

My days here have been a roller coaster. I've had some good moments, but haven't been feeling great, and I don't know why.

I'll write the negative first, I suppose.

- My job search ended, I got a job. It's great in many many ways. But it isn't the best. And somehow instead of feeling grateful, I'm feeling sad. There was a let down towards the end that may have something to do with it. Anyway I haven't yet started, so we'll see.

- My other job I wanted hasn't panned out yet, and I'm not sure if it is going to be a missed opportunity. Timing didn't work out great.

- Nanny is leaving and we're going to miss her in more ways than one.

- I'm still feeling feelings of loss and missing family. It's hard to reconcile these feelings. Wanted some good times, carefree times but that feels so out of reach.

- Worried about my daughter - some health and behavioral issues cropped up this month

- Feeling quite upset, but I don't know why.

So let's go to the positive.

- No longer in the job market! I got three offers and chose the best one. New beginnings, potential, learnings, and stability in the time of a pandemic. Financially it worked out well for our family. I know it's a big accomplishment, even if I am being hard on myself.

- My job search and career coach reminded me that I am a valuable candidate. I should remember this if I decide to interview again, which is likely since I'm only mid-career.

- My gut feelings are spot on, and I needn't rationalize away others' behavior but instead can go with my initial impression

- Looking forward to some better weather, more family time just the four of us, and maybe some relaxation

- Realize that the job situation is only temporary. Once I'm in something, I'll have a different perspective and can grow from there.

- New president, administration, hopefully we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.

- Finished 20 days of yoga this January. 10 more to go. Been doing walks and sunlight and all the good stuff.

- Getting organized in the home.