Being true to ourselves

I've had the past ten days to truly be by myself. While my husband is traveling, I have been busy managing the home and going through the grief. There's a lot to keep me busy and I've also been taking care of financial and logistical organization during this time.

When we talk about being true to ourselves, of course all of us want to live by this principle. But with today's world of endless streams of information, internet access, less in-person interaction and more social media, the definition of "ourselves" becomes a bit murky. I've always been wary of social media, having notably stayed off all of it between 2012 and 2019. Because of this, I've had the feeling that I was "left behind" in a few ways, mostly in my career. 

But 2020 rolls around, and with documentaries like The Social Dilemma, many are beginning to realize just how much their lives are driven by social media. There was a shift around 2012-2013 when more social media interactions moved to smartphones and that time period marked a change in the world as we know it. It's created a different version of people, the kind that while they're doing things, are thinking about that next social media post that they're going to post about that very same thing. It's created customized news feeds that tell you exactly what you want to hear and show you the rabbit holes that you cannot stay away from. It's created pandemic deniers, conspiracy theories, human rights violations, narcissistic personality disorder, increased rates of depression and more. After this come the notifications. It's a life of endless clicking and scrolling over what is, frankly, mostly spam. While the mind is spinning from this mundane exercise, the person feels momentarily satisfied at the good number of likes or whatever, only to check in a few minutes later and see no new notifications and feel oddly dissatisfied again. And so the cycle repeats.

I've seen the behavior of my toddler after a little while with the phone. I sometimes give it to him locked in the Spotify app and he scrolls and clicks on random tracks to play (well, not so random, he seems to know what he's doing). After about ten minutes of this, when I yank the phone away from him, he's irritable for a quite a while after. I know it's not been good for him. And I give it back to him to get that momentary peace the next day, traded for an hour or more of bad behavior. This shows me that firstly, I probably am as irritable after being on my phone for a certain amount of time. And secondly, that even though logically we know that it's bad for us, we continue to do it (addictive).

Well, now it's becoming evident that being "left behind" isn't all that bad - it means that I've preserved some sense of myself during that time period when I was completely off social media (7 years) and then partially off it (1 year) - and that I have the self awareness to have realized it early on and put a stop to it. Yes, I know, many on social media have perfected the art of finding a good balance of real life and virtual life, but most of us have fallen trap to our smartphones to varying extents.

For the skeptics, if you think it doesn't apply to you allll that much - that you're just on it for friends and family or work, blah blah - why don't you try deleting it off your phone for a bit, even if you cannot make the commitment to deactivating social media like I did? Maybe start with just Facebook if you must keep the others on? This is what I did yesterday. At the very least, remove notifications on everything including email (I've always had notifications off).

So here are a few things I have to do as part of my digital and job detox (read on for ideas if this might apply to you):

- Delete 1 social media app from phone for a month (more if possible). I did this to save space initially, but kept it off just to see how it feels without it.

- Remove all notifications

- Quit job - haha, this only applies to me. I have a "choice" but it's more like a strongly recommended exit and I decided to take it and not prolong the inevitable.

- Delete chat programs for work from smartphone. Only see them when at PC. Done.

- Push all of that data on to a location that you don't have to deal with it anymore. Start with a fresh slate on a home PC.

- Get out of the house everyday. In my case, I go sit at the creek nearby and listen to the sound of the stream flowing and just stare into space while the thoughts (and sometimes tears) flow.

- Work out - this goes with the above, I walk or run. And I'll do yoga.

- Choose two tracks. One should be a professional one and the other should be any other interest than your main profession. If you're an artist by profession for example, choose a non professional interest as your second one, that could be singing or yoga or anything that will not find it's way to your professional life. Then, try to advance both of these separately. 

In my case, I'll choose to learn and prepare for interviews in computer networking. I really enjoy it, it gets me excited, so as I learn more, I'll feel more confident and empowered and fulfilled (regardless of interview outcomes).

And the non professional track will be singing and writing. I'll continue writing, and also figure out how to even get started on the music aspect. 

Then check in every week, month, and quarter about each of these tracks.

- Sleep - I'll finally give a decent shot at getting my zzz at night and you should too.

- Don't read the news until noon. And filter for important stuff rather than going down rabbit holes.

- Organize paperwork and home. So once you detox and declutter, that would invite a lot of headspace for positive thoughts.

- Learn how to let things go. I tend to give too much headspace to negative people and things. And also to take things personally which I should just brush off and move on from. Develop a thick skin and stick to my single minded goals - get a job. Don't let yourself spiral into unnecessary thoughts.

- I've always been one of those people that is "struggling" while others appear to be having fun and living the good life. Well, I realized that I have all the ingredients to live that good life and I'm going to actually do it without guilt. I have to stop watching my life from the sidelines and actually play the lead role that I'm given in my life. 

- Read more. I really wish I can get to doing this and read more books. But it'll have to wait until I can figure out the sleep thing first. Then maybe I can get around to doing more reading.

Let's see how this whole thing goes.