Shopping

At Milan's Piazza Del Duomo near the Galleria

My relationship with shopping is a strange one. Before I start unraveling all of its complexities, let me summarize how I feel about shopping: I don’t like it. I do not like shopping in malls, or department stores, or boutique stores, or even online! And don’t get me started on browsing…all of the pain and no gain? No, thank you.

Let me back up a little bit. So far, it sounds like I do not like material things. I actually do and don’t to an extent. I like having very few select items that I enjoy: nice clothes, shoes, household stuff and accessories. I like things that are visually appealing and give me a strong sense of positive energy. I do not like owning a large number of items, though. A bit of minimalism but a few choice items with variety that fit well, are of good quality and that I feel comfortable in, is my happy medium.  I just do not like having a wardrobe full of “stuff”. I am perfectly fine with reusing clothing often. I don’t like to accessorize much. I often make a ton of excuses to get out of a shopping trip.

Now, for years I have had a “wardrobe full of stuff”. This is because, each time I embark on a shopping trip (which is rare in itself), I convince myself that I don’t need new things after wandering around stores for a couple of hours. Then, I come back home and feel like I need to hold on to my existing clothes until I can replace them. But, many of these items of clothing are not to my taste anymore – I like looking at them on the hangers, but I just do not feel good wearing them. So, I horde hold on to the stuff and it stresses me out anyway.

Recently I moved houses, and went through a purge. Our nanny at the time, who was also like an older family member to us, was helping me sort and as I put most of my clothes into the donation box, she saw me look longingly at some of them. She looked questioningly at me and I replied “So many memories in these clothes”, and she asked me if I’d like to keep some for my “memory box”. I said no, and then she said “Well, you can be assured that where these clothes are going, they will really be appreciated very much” (her home country). That sealed the deal for me and I was happy to give them all away (and don’t miss them either).

So now that I’ve purged, should I shop and create the wardrobe I like? Marie Kondo this shit stuff? A recent realization that dawned upon me is that I don’t like button-down clothes. I don’t know why, and I don’t even know if it really is that I don’t like them or if I choose not to wear them because I am currently nursing. But I never seem to wear those clothes from my wardrobe. I recently read that this may have something to do with being a creative personality.

Indoor malls: I just do not like them. From the parking experience where you have to circle the lot to find a spot, to the noise, the bright lights, the feeling of claustrophobia, the odd mix of perfume and cinnamon scents in the air, the crowds, the people who move with a purpose armed with shopping bags full of STUFF, and all that walking with no fresh air at all, is absolute misery for me. I do not enjoy sorting through piles of clothing to find something I like. I do not like standing in lines to check out. The music that blares in most stores makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. The process of trying on shoes or clothes usually makes me feel frumpy and shabby.

The last few times I went shopping were: last weekend (trip to an outdoor outlet mall with my sister, husband and napping baby), 2 months back in a small little town in south-western France (a nice shopping experience, buying gifts for friends and family), 7 months back with my mom, husband and kids in India, 7 months back with my husband and kids in Singapore, and 2 years back locally in the bay area. So, aside from travel shopping (buying chocolates and trinkets as gifts), I think I average once in two years of shopping for 3 or 4 items.

I usually treat myself to something for venturing out to shop. A slice of opera cake or hazelnut chocolate cake at Cocola if I shop locally, or a samosa at Bhagatrams is preferred if I am in India. In France, I usually combine my shopping trips (for gifts to take back home) with a trip to the hair salon, a cafe or tea salon for coffee/tea and cake, and a bookstore, which I absolutely love and makes up for the shopping or lack thereof.

My husband says, “This is why you should shop online”. But no, I do not like sorting through piles of items and reviews and not being able to see and choose. Something about having all those choices, and searching for the best item at the best price is just not my cup of tea. I have recently started doing more of it but it is still not my comfort zone to shop online.

I suppose I could get my ideal shopping experience at designer or boutique stores, but I just don’t have that kind of money, or the inclination to face the judgemental salespeople in those stores.

However, although I probably seem like someone who does not have any good stuff, I do, they are all just very old! I have been fortunate or privileged to be able to collect items from around the world. There was a period of time (pre-kids) when I would travel a lot for work and on vacation. I have shopped at Uniqlo at Tokyo’s Narita airport (before they opened their US bay area stores) and picked up several items of clothing that I still wear many years later, in a 20-minute stop before boarding my flight. I have a choice pair of Ferragamos that makes it to all business meetings and conferences, that I picked up several years back on a business trip to New York while wandering around Fifth Avenue after work. I have a pair of handmade Italian pumps from a store in Florence that I got while spending a weekend traveling after a conference. A pair of custom ballet flats from a family-owned store in Barcelona that we happened to walk by while on a family vacation, made for an instant purchase. An eco-friendly leather purse from a local designer in Germany that my sis-in-law so kindly gifted me for Christmas one year, a couple of lovely dresses from Berlin and Melbourne and a purse from Berlin bought by my husband, several beautiful kurtis from India sent by my mother, and a few favorite tunics sent from France by my mother-in-law made it to my collection. I am also privileged to have received several items of jewelry gifted by my family. I have done a few marathon shopping trips in Vienna, Luxembourg, and Canberra – which for me is wandering around until I find a store that I like, and buying 5 items of clothing there and wearing them constantly for a decade after. And yes, even though all of these items were expensive, thankfully, two kids later I am still able to fit in to them so I have not really had to shop for much – aside from the wear and tear on these items of clothing, which is only now starting to show.

Luckily, my friends and family are aware of my preferences in shopping and my husband helps me out by doing most of my shopping for me. Recently, my sister helped my out by accompanying me on a trip to buy my child’s birthday outfit for his first birthday. My mother-in-law went online and selected a few clothing items for me, printed out the list and handed it to me, to just order when I feel like it! I feel blessed to have such nice things even with my shopping “impairment”, and also to be without the urge to shop till I drop, making it easy on the wallet and saving some time and sanity!

Before you think that I am completely void of the shopping bug – I do have it. The current items that catch my eye are garden plants and natural beauty products, and my current preferred venue of shopping is my local farmers market! (Bonus: no parking woes, since we walk). Our farmers market shopping is a weekly family tradition – my husband and I take our daughter on her scooter, our son in his stroller and walk down 10 minutes to the farmers market. While there, my daughter goes around sampling fruits, my husband buys our produce and eggs for the week, I stop at the natural beauty products stall, the nursery and at a baker (who sadly is going to shut down his business) for a chat and some shopping, and we go back home for a nice brunch, content with our little outing.

Here is a song that is a new discovery for me, although it dates back to 1992:

Leave them all behind – Ride

Wheels turning around

Into alien grounds

Pass through different times

Leave them all Behind

Just to see

We've got so far to go

Until we get there

Just let it flow

Colours shining clear

Fading into night

Our grasp is broken

There's nothing we can do

I don't care about the colours

I don't care about the light

I don't care about the truth