One year

Graziac, France

Today is my baby boy’s first birthday. It is a momentous occasion for me. Right from the time I was pregnant with him to his birth and initial days and through his first year, it has been nothing short of unique. This boy has a presence that can move mountains, instill the greatest force in everyone he meets and light up a room with his energy and spirit.

Here’s to my special love, my world. Someone who was not even in my life a few years ago but whom I now cannot live without. My joy, my heart, my inspiration and my guiding light – I love you so very much.

Since he has taught me to take up challenges and face my fears and I am very grateful for that, I have decided to bake him a cake for his birthday. I have never been a baker and have very rarely attempted baking. There is also some level of anxiety about baking and its associations with health anxiety for me.

Today, I have decided to face those fears and pray and overcome them.

The plan for the day is to relax, receive greetings and talk to friends and family, spend the day with my family, bake a cake and cut it in the evening at 4:00 pm. We will take a few photos in the garden and spend our evening playing together.

Update: The cake turned out to be a success! I baked a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, to keep things simple. I got the recipe from my nephew, and a few baking tips from my sister. It was not an easy task for me, since I did not use any appliances and hand-mixed everything. But in the end, it turned out delicious. It did not look half bad either. My family enjoyed it very much, all of them. My daughter said that eating cake was her favorite part of the day. My husband was impressed with how it turned out and helped himself to a second serving at night when we had all gone to bed (a true testament to my baking). My son, the star of the show, was video-ed as he tasted his first bite of cake, and broke into a huge smile once he had eaten it. The clean up is all done, and when we were talking about how the day went later in the evening, my husband commented that it turned out great but that I seemed to have all this unnecessary worry about the cake and that I was going to fail. He was right. I suppose in my current state of mind, every little thing matters to me. Things that are supposed to be easy seem like a huge task. Sometimes, a simple outing seems like a small victory. As silly as it sounds, baking for our kids seems to be sort of a right of passage for "moms". I do not really subscribe to that line of thinking, but it influenced me nonetheless. I am learning to overcome these feelings one small step at a time. I am however glad to have been able to bake something and have it turn out well. Now to sit tight and hope that we can continue in this journey of cautiously venturing forward with our lives.

The first cake that I baked by myself from scratch